16 week update

Today we hit 16 weeks!!!!!! 

We had a regular OB appointment to check up on our baby girl. Since being in the ER we have had no additional follow ups, so I have been worried. Last night I didn’t sleep well in anticipation for this appointment. I wanted to hear her, see her and feel a sense of peace that everything is going how it should.

We arrived early to the appointment, mainly because I was eager and had been up for hours before! 😬 They checked us in and took me back quickly, which is rare. Benefits of taking the first appointment of the day. Haha. When the nurse placed us in the room I asked if they would be performing an ultrasound. I had hoped that they might since we had a few scares, but to my surprise, they weren’t going to. I was furious.

When the doctor came in she explained that my doctor had reviewed my files from the ER & that today all they were doing was the fetal heartbeat. We had lots of questions, because that’s how we both are. She informed us that they believe my bleeding had been caused by the placenta previa, not the hematoma like we had originally thought. She explained that the previa would cause the bright red blood and can cause large amounts. With that said, bed rest continues.

They said I am able to start slowly moving about the house more, but to be careful and to watch for more blessing. I know how I am and I am an all or nothing person, so I’m glad my dad will be here to keep me in check while Evan is in Jamaica. I also promised Evan I will not change up my routine until he returns, the last thing either of us want is an issue while he’s away. 

We were happy to hear baby girl’s heartbeat and the doctor said it sounds strong. The next appointment is with our perinatal doctor on February 26th. I am now eager for that appointment because they will perform a full anatomy scan. Evan will be there with me this time to see her and see just how perfect she is. These scans are so fun… they show us her hands, arms, legs, feet, face and blood pumping through her little body. Technology amazes me! I can’t wait for her daddy to see her. He will love it! 

Until then I am on bed rest and will be through March 1st. Our appointment on the 26th will determine how the placenta previa looks and if it’s safe to return to work. This month should fly by with my dad here for over a week, my mom coming right after and Evan returning from his trip. I am so thankful and grateful that my parents were both able to come out and help this month. Having each of them here for some time is good for my heart and soul! 

Please keep all of the good vibes and prayers coming.. they are working! Keep growing baby girl. Mommy and Daddy love you SO much! 💕💕

Full of gratitude

I’ve officially been on bed rest for 10 days.. it feels like it has been an eternity. After our trip to the ER last Sunday, my OB put me on a month of bed rest! 😢 I know this is what my body, and most importantly, what our baby girl needs, so I’m trying to relax and pass the time. I had no idea how much mind torture this could be, but it certainly is a struggle. Each day I’m counting our blessings and trying to remind myself that this too shall pass.

This week we have been showered with love and support. The amount of people who have called, texted, messaged or came by has been overwhelming.. In a positive way! 💕 This week we have had dinners and lunches delivered to our house daily and my girls even came over yesterday to clean and organize the kitchen, cook us some breakfast foods and keep me company. All of the people in our lives have truly stepped up and we are so grateful for it all.

 Currently I am tapped out on sharing, but an update felt necessary. Next week I am officially off work and will have time to relax & gather my thoughts. For now, thank you all again for the love, support, good vibes, prayers and kind gestures. No words could ever express our gratitude. 

Keep fighting and growing baby girl… mommy and daddy love you so much!

Sunday not-so-funday

Well, I thought last Tuesday was the scariest moment of my life… until yesterday. I woke up Sunday morning and threw towels in the washer then sat down on the couch to watch some TV (bed rest has me doing a lot of that lately). Shortly after my Mom called to chat and check up on me. We talked for awhile about everything under the sun, until I decided to jump off the phone and get ready for the day. We had plans to go to the in-laws house to relax and watch football, nothing new this time of year. 

I went to the rest room before getting in the shower when all of a sudden my heart sank. I looked down and the toilet was full of blood. I hadn’t had any bleeding since last Tuesday night so this was completely unexpected. I rushed to the spare room where Evan was playing video games and informed him about what was going on. We talked and decided we would wait just a little bit to see if the bleeding stopped, since it subsided quickly last Tuesday. As I sat there worrying I felt it getting heavier. I called my best friend in a panic and she said to go to the ER to get checked out. We packed up and rushed out the door again, hoping this was just due to over doing it the day before.

When we arrived at the ER I went and sat down while Evan checked me in. He put me in a wheel chair to keep me from walking too much and to keep me safe. I went to the rest room again and the blood was so heavy. My heart was racing and my mind was spinning. They soon checked me in and took me back to see the doctor. She said they wanted to run the same tests they did Tuesday to compare things. When she left a gentleman came in to take my blood. As he was walking in I felt a huge rush of blood and told Evan to grab the doctor. They advised me to have my blood draw then use the restroom after.

Once the phlebotomist was finished Evan wheeled me into the hallway and to the bathroom. I stood up and walked in the door when I felt blood gush through an overnight pad, down my leg and onto the floor. The amount of blood was so alarming that I nearly passed out. I did my business and called for Evan. He told the nurse and her response was “that isn’t uncommon during a miscarriage.” They put me back in the wheelchair and admitted me to a room. The nurse laid me on a bed pad and again told me that the amount of blood I was losing was common with miscarriage. These words had me in tears instantly at the thought of losing our precious baby.

Another nurse came in and asked my blood type, explaining that they needed to know in case I was hemorrhaging and needed blood. Evan instantly went into a panic. From that moment on he was on edge and I hated seeing him worry. 

After waiting for what felt like forever, they finally sent an ultrasound tech in. I couldn’t stomach looking, I was fearing the worst at this point. I watched Evan’s face for awhile and the look of fear and sadness made me feel as though the worse was happening. In the 9 years that we’ve been together I can honestly say that I’ve never seen him that close to tears. Seeing him that way broke my heart. 💔

After a few minutes he asked the tech if she could tell us anything. She explained that the doctor had to give us that information. She then continued to work and said “she’s moving and has a heartbeat,” while showing us what she saw. We knew that might not mean that she was okay, and that my body might be rejecting her, so we didn’t get our hopes up. As she left she said that in her last training someone said “never underestimate the power of the fetus. I wish you two the best” Those simple words filled me with a slight bit of hope in that moment. 

I got up again to use the rest room and to remove my soiled clothing, they were driving me nuts. The nurse put me in a giant adult diaper and a gown, trust me it was not a good look. I laid back in bed and we put the football game on to pass the time. My best friend showed up to the hospital with some food and a change of clothes for me. When I say she’s a saint, I mean that with all of my being. She has twins at home and her own battles, yet she dropped everything, found a sitter, and showed up to take care of us. The snack was much needed and the change of clothes were essential.. walking out in the giant adult diaper was not my idea of a good time. 

We were there for hours waiting to hear what was going on. Time seemed to stand still. Finally the doctor came back and informed us that the baby appeared healthy and my blood work results showed that my levels had remained the same, which was positive. We asked about the size of the hematoma that they saw Tuesday and she told us that it wasn’t there any more. She went on to explain that she suspected that it was the hematoma that ruptured and caused the bleeding. Her information was uplifting, but we knew we weren’t out of the woods. She said if it was the hematoma, bleeding should slow down and go away after a few days. 

She decided to discharge us, putting me on 100% bed rest and told me to follow up with my OB. They told us that if the bleeding continued heavily to return to the ER, because I ran the risk of losing too much blood and needing an IV. Again, Evan was on edge and didn’t want to leave. They advised that resting at home was the best thing and to return if necessary. We packed up and headed home after a good 5.5 hours of being there. We were mentally and physically exhausted at this point, but had some relief in the news. We got home and the in-laws delivered food for us so we didn’t have to worry. We spent the evening on the couch and went to bed early. 

I woke up today with only small traces of dried blood, and no more gushing like yesterday. The day has been spent relaxing and reminding ourselves that this is serious and I can’t do a damn thing until told otherwise. My husband has been a rockstar and has been taking such good care of me. I am beyond blessed to have such a loving, caring and supportive man by my side. I truly hit the jackpot. Today he worked from home, brought me lunch and stocked the fridge with easy to grab food for the rest of the week. I am listening to the doctors and taking extra caution. This baby is a fighter and I will do everything in my power to protect her.

We ask for continued good vibes and prayers as the days pass. This pregnancy has been a roller coaster, but we are reminding ourselves to enjoy every day that we are pregnant & to stay positive! 

Come on baby girl, mommy and daddy need you to keep pushing to stay healthy. We love you so much!! 💞💕💖

Week 13- Bed rest

72AFDC2B-6699-4059-B452-71E1858C0DB0.jpegTuesday started off as one of the most amazing days. I had an appointment with a perinatal doctor and was nervous, but quickly my mood changed once I got there. The first thing they did was an ultrasound of our sweet baby girl. The last time I had one was at 8 weeks, and at that point she was still a tiny spec on the screen. During this appointment she was 100% different!! 

The ultrasound technician took photos of her face, her arms, hands, legs and feet then showed me the blood pumping through her body. It was unreal. What was once just a small blob, now has adorable facial features and it made everything feel much more real. I left with a huge sense of satisfaction and the doctor told me she was growing beautifully! 

That evening after work I was in the kitchen making dinner when all of a sudden I felt something all too familiar… I got the feeling of starting my menstrual cycle and rushed to the bathroom. When I wiped I noticed blood. My heart dropped and I instantly felt sick to my stomach. I yelled for Evan and told him what was going on. I quickly messaged my doula and she suggested that I reach out to the OB on-call at my doctor’s office. 

The on-call OB advised me to go to the emergency room to be looked at. We were so terrified that we couldn’t eat dinner and rushed out the door. Once we were there they did an ultrasound. While they were examining her we saw her still moving, which was a huge relief. After that I provided a urine sample and they did blood work. After being there for 4.5 hours we finally saw the doctor. She explained that I have a hematoma and something called placenta previa. She told us multiple times that it could correct itself or it could cause a miscarriage. This news was heartbreaking. She said it so casual and that infuriated me. 

We got home around midnight and we were exhausted. I decided to call off the next day and reach out to my OB for guidance. My doctor called me that afternoon and put me on bed rest for one week. She said they wanted me on it for two weeks, but I asked her to consider one week and then we can see how I am. As you can imagine, this was a huge surprise after just having an excellent appointment the day before. She said she thinks things will resolve themselves, but in order to do so, I must relax and rest. 

I’m on day 3 of bed rest and I am bored out of my mind, but continuing to remind myself that this baby is worth it. My days have been filled with lots of computer work for my job, HGTV, old episodes of Big Brother, reading and naps with my pups. Sounds lovely, but I am wishing everything was still smooth sailing and that I could be back at work. In the meantime I will soak up the down time and keep this baby baking! 

With this turn of events it has also made our travel plans change. We had booked a trip to Jamaica in February for Evan’s cousin’s wedding, but due to these complications, my OB has advised me to stay home. 😢 I am so sad, frustrated and heartbroken, but again- this baby is my number one priority! 

My next appointment is February 5th, and it can’t come soon enough. I need to see her, hear her and get reassurance that these issues are resolving themselves. In the meantime, I am holding on to the gut feeling that she’s going to be just fine! I will rest as long as I need to in order for this pregnancy to be successful and healthy! 💖 Please send us good vibes and lots of prayers for the days and weeks ahead!

 

Come on baby girl, keep growing! We love you so much already. 🤰🏼💗

It’s a….

On Tuesday we will hit 10 weeks of being pregnant! 😍 I am still slightly in shock & disbelief. After four years of trying and so many let downs, I never thought we would make it to this place. As I lay here reflecting, my eyes are filled with tears of joy. 

Over the years I grew a ton, and felt empowered to tell my story. In the beginning it was an outlet for me but it turned into my desire to connect and help other women who were facing similar battles. I have met some of the most beautiful, kind and strong women through it all. Many of these women became my support system and I cannot thank them enough for all of the love they showed me during some of the darkest moments of our journey. 

Last weekend we held a small gender reveal party and it was so exciting. My mother in law decorated the place perfectly, my father in law cooked up delicious food and we were surrounded by a few of our friends and family. Evan decided that we would play “egg roulette” to find out the gender. In my gut I knew what we were having, so I opted to smash the blue eggs.

On the second pink egg, it busted all over him and I leaped from the chair in sheer joy. The still frame photos are hilarious! 😂 As I suspected, Evan was terrified to have a girl. I truly believe it’s just because he knows she will have him wrapped around her little finger and turn him into a total softie! 😍

A funny thing happened the very next day. I received a call from the office that did our gender testing and they told me that they shouldn’t have released the information, and our results were inclusive. I immediately called Evan and his response was “so you’re saying there’s still a chance?” 💙😂 All week we were nervous and excited to once again find out the gender. 

Last night we went to dinner with the in laws and opened the email together. Cass and Joel busted out the team boy glasses and beads, but they lost again… it is still a girl! 💖🎀 As cliché as it sounds, I don’t care either way what the gender is, as long as it’s a healthy baby!

As the days pass we inch closer to the “safe zone” and continue to enjoy every moment of this process. The morning sickness & other symptoms can be challenging, but I’m embracing it all. I’ve wanted this for so long, so nothing can stifle the joy I feel at this point! We ask for continued prayers as we move along in this pregnancy and want to thank everyone for the love and support. 

 

Our miracle baby

976D7A79-D001-43F5-8EB0-BF295C70559B

November 17, 2018

Friday night I was exhausted, like I usually am at the end of the week. Around 9:30 I told Evan I was going to throw in the towel and hit the bed. I had just finished my first week at my new job and I was mentally and physically worn out. My first week was great, but I was on information overload. 

We went to bed early but unlike most nights, I was restless. I tossed and turned for awhile until I finally dosed off. A couple hours later I woke up from an odd dream that had my mind racing. After an hour or so I finally fell back to sleep, but not for long. All night I woke up every few hours to strange dreams. 

The dreams were stemmed from my confusion about my monthly cycle being late. I was supposed to start on Wednesday, but no sign of it. I chalked it up to being stressed about starting a new job, starting my half marathon training and my typical overall worrisome mind. Each time I woke up I had to shake it off and tell myself to not think about the what-ifs and just sleep. 

The next morning I woke up and Evan told me to “pee on a stick,” as he normally does if I’m a day or two late. I searched for one but didn’t have one on hand. I shook it off and said I’m sure I’ll start later today. He insisted that he run to CVS to get cereal and a few “just to check.” He came home and I was sipping tea and relaxing. He told me to take one so we could just be certain I was just late. 

In the time he was gone I had received a call from work about an incident at the clinic after we left on Friday. I had calls, texts and emails to follow up on things so my mind was all over the place. Half out of it I went into the bathroom, took the test and continued my emails. After a few minutes I looked down and saw something I’ve NEVER seen before. TWO LINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😍❤️😍❤️😍

In complete shock I yelled Evan’s name and ran to the living room. I told him “I’M PREGNANT,” as tears streamed down my cheeks. When I finally stopped sobbing, I stepped back from his embrace and saw the biggest smile I’ve ever seen plastered across his face. The only other time I’ve ever seen a smile that big was our wedding day. We were in total shock! 

At that point we stood in the kitchen staring at the test in disbelieve. We had no idea what to say or do. I told him I needed to call Tina. I knew she would be overjoyed and would have some wise insight, since she had been through so much with her battles over the years. We FaceTime called her and showed her. She busted into tears of joy! We had so many questions and I knew she was the one to call.

We were so happy, but we also know that it’s so early that we needed to be cautiously optimistic. She gave us sound advice and we felt some relief. We talked and decided that we had been so transparent with our family with the IVF battles and the negative outcomes, so we wanted to do the same here. We know we have a long road ahead, and the future is unknown. But for now we will celebrate the news, the sign of hope and enjoy being pregnant!!! ❤️ 

 

Time line of events since I wrote this post….

11/24- New life for first ultrasound. Estimate 6 week’s and 2 days. Due July 25th. 

12/1- New life for heart beat. 

12/13- first official doctor appointment 

12/16- gender reveal party

Halloween will never be the same…

One year ago yesterday our lives felt like they had been turned upside-down. We had gone through our second round of stims for IVF and they retrieved 11 eggs. That number was high for me, so we had been extremely excited. If you have followed our story you saw the outcome. If you didn’t, here is the short version… 

After the long 7 days of waiting for updates on how many eggs fertilized, we had been through a roller coaster of emotions. Day 3 they said one had made it and likely no others would. Our hearts were breaking. Day 5 they said magically we had 5 total and they were thinking one other might make it. We popped champagne that night in celebration and waited for news about genetic testing (I have Myotonic Dystrophy). On October 31st, 2017 I was at work in a meeting and got the call. I rushed out in excitement only to find out that all 5 were unusable and had genetic abnormalities. 😢

I remember feeling as though my world was collapsing around me, but I couldn’t cry yet. I went back into my meeting, heard nothing from the last part of it and rushed out the door. Once I got in the car I lost it. I cried so hard I could barely see. I wanted so bad to call Evan right then, but I had to gather myself. I planned to wait and tell him when he got home, but when he called me, I lost it all over again. I remember him telling me to calm down, pull over and get it together so I could drive home safely. I did the best I could and managed to get home.

I immediately broke down sobbing uncontrollably when I walked in the door and he pulled me in to hug me. We both curled up in bed and I continued to cry like never before. Suddenly he started to talk about things and I could hear it in his voice how hurt he was feeling too. I felt horrible that I hadn’t even thought about how he was feeling in that moment as I lost my mind crying and he was consoling me. He had been so calm and collected, and held it all together for me. Even though I had endured the physical part of the process, he was fully invested in all of it with me. 

If you haven’t already realized it, my husband is absolutely amazing. No matter what’s going on he is the voice of reason and my rock! I have no clue how I got so lucky, but I certainly won the lottery finding him! We laid there for awhile talking about things, and he continued to remind me that it wasn’t the end of our journey. ❤️ 

That night we turned off our porch light, left candy out for the neighborhood trick or treaters and hid away. Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays to celebrate and have fun, but the scars from last year have lingered. It may never be the same for us, but I know in time we will have our own kiddos and find joy in it again! 

IVF was a terrifying ride, and the outcome was earth shattering. We sunk a lot of time, money and emotion into the process and came out on the other side with a few things (certainly not what we had hoped for). On the bright side we learned so much about ourselves, our relationship and what truly matters. Many couples crumble during infertility battles, and I can completely understand why, but not us. We took each hurdle and held on to one another as tight as possible. 

In conclusion, we mapped out plan B and have moved forward. Our ultimate goal in this life is to have a family and be happy. We will get there one way or another! ❤️