When it comes to making a decision on when to start a family, many couples have discussions and develop a plan. We did just that. Unfortunately it just never worked out that way. We had discussions early in the relationship about if each of us wanted kids, and if so how many. The typical talks, I assume. When we were living in Perrysburg, Ohio we had a long talk once about “our plan.” It went a little something like this…after I finished graduate school, after the wedding, once we get settled down where we want to be, and so forth. All of those things made sense, but I remember wanting to fast forward to the end of graduate school, the day of our wedding, and then get started with the rest of our lives. Both of us tend to be impatient, and that is one weakness we both have.
Time flew by, as it always does. I finished my Master in Public Health Degree in May of 2014, we moved to Temecula, CA in July that same year, and the wedding was set for October. To say the least, 2014 was an eventful year! When we made the move out here, and thankfully we had a soft landing at Joel and Jennifer’s house. We sold everything we owned to get here, and only came with two small cars loaded to the brim. In March of 2015 we decided as newlyweds, we needed our own place. We found a beautiful town home near Old Town Murrieta, and out we went! 🙂
I absolutely love the memories that we made in our first place here in Southern California. The week before we moved out of the in-laws house, we ended up adopting a puppy. I am a softy when it comes to animals, and Evan is a softy for me and animals. We are doomed! 🙂 That is how we got our little Jordy Monster! The Farnum clan grew from three to four. (We got Bentley in 2011 for those of you who don’t know).
Life was perfect and we were living the dream. One night in November of 2015, we decided to go have dinner and a drink at a local bar that we frequented. I remember this night so clearly, because it was one that made me overjoyed about our future. We were having a beer and just making small talk, nothing too monumental. I had watched a pregnancy reveal video that day, and I began telling Evan how hilarious it was. I pulled it up and showed him. We were dying laughing! The parents were screaming and crying like no other. If you haven’t seen some of these, please do. They will make you nearly pee yourself. I remember saying to him that I was ready to start trying to kids, and him saying he was too. I was a little shocked, but excited.
We sat and talked for a few about what would change, discussing if we were ready and such. The conclusion was, no one is ever ready, and timing can never be perfect, so why not now. I was over the moon excited about the next chapter. The next few months I was anxious and excited when “that time” was near. I had myself convinced each month that I would not start and I would be pregnant. Unfortunately, that was never the case. The months came and went, and no baby. After six months of trying I decided to pay my OBGYN a visit, and see what she had to say. She asked me how long we had been trying and were we doing it correct (wait… WHAT?!? You have to tell people how to do it right? LoL!). Her advice was not what I wanted… “Keep trying. You are young, healthy and it can take up to a year or more. If it doesn’t happen then we can explore why.”
The months flew by and at the one year mark, nothing had happened. I had been tracking my cycles, using ovulation strips, and basically making myself insane. I scheduled my appointment, and she gave me a laundry list of tests to have done. I was poked and prodded more than I could explain over the next few months. Once everything was completed, I scheduled the follow up. Evan and I went together to see the doctor in mid-December of 2016. She walked in, sat down, and said “okay, so I have news that you are not going to like.” My stomach dropped. She went on to tell us that we were likely to be unable to conceive naturally, and that we would probably need to do IVF. We received a slip to see a local fertility specialist and we were on our way. This was bomb number one.
Since it was near the holidays, I was unable to get an appointment with the specialist until mid-January. The waiting was going to be unbearable. Two days before our appointment with the specialist I received a call from the office manager telling me that they did not take our insurance. I had given her my information back in December when I scheduled the appointment, why in the world was she waiting until 2 days before my appointment to notify me of this?!?! I broke down crying in the middle of the store, and screamed at the lady. The response I gave her was a little something like this… “Are you kidding me? I gave you my insurance last month, and we have been waiting impatiently for this appointment. This is ridiculous. I need to speak to your boss. This is a sensitive subject and you CLEARLY have no regard for others.” I got off the phone with her and called Evan, of course in tears and furious. Who wouldn’t be? They had offered us a free consultation, but in heat of the moment I told her no, that I didn’t want anything to do with that practice. My logical husband, told me that we should take it, and at least get information on why we had been unsuccessful thus far. The specialist would be able to read all of our test results, and at least give us some sort of idea of next steps.
Two days later we were off to the specialist. I was so nervous but anxious to get answers. We met with Dr. Chuan, and she was incredible. She went through all of our test results in full detail, and gave us percentages of the likelihood of natural conception, as well as our options. I had a blocked fallopian tube, which was causing an unhealthy environment in my uterus. The term for this is hydrosalpinx, and in order to treat it I would need to have it removed, and then have therapy to clear up the issues in my uterus. I remember that my mind was racing, it was taking everything in me not to break down and cry. Evan was calm (as usual), asked a million questions and took detailed notes. After meeting with the doctor we spoke with the lady who handles financials. WOW, sticker shock! The cost was unbelievable. Yet again, I was on the verge of tears and a break down. Evan took notes and asked all the right questions. He truly is my savior. We left to head home with information and a decision to make.
We got home, I grabbed the wine (obviously this was necessary), and we sat down on the couch to talk. Evan asked me “If money was not an issue, what would you do?” Crying, I replied that I would do IVF and we would begin our family. He thought that I was going to want to try all kinds of “hippy medicine” to try to fix things, then if it didn’t work we would do IVF. Normally, that would be true, but not in this case. I am all about natural medicine and treatment, but the information we received was pretty clear. He said that he felt the same way, and we would figure it out, like we always do. I felt some relief knowing that we were on the same page. The money was my biggest concern with all of this. Evan, being Mr. Logical, said “you have no problem financing a new car, but you are worried about financing our future children?” I had not thought about it this way before. Damn him for being so logical. 🙂 We also discussed the unknown. If we were unsuccessful with IVF, we were both open to adoption. In that moment we had made our decision, we were going to do IVF and begin our pathway to parenthood. ❤