It has been a long time since I last blogged, and for various different reasons. The past couple months have been a whirlwind and my emotions have been all over the board. Since learning that we had fertility issues I have experienced ups and downs mentally. Typically they are most intense when hearing or seeing others announce their pregnancy. I know, how selfish of me right? 😦 Trust me, I would never wish infertility on any other couples, but it sure does hit me in the gut when I want it to happen so bad for us, and I see it happening all around. I am just reminding myself over and over that things are happening this way for a reason. There is a much bigger plan for us then I could ever know or dream of. Patience is something I struggle with but I am aware of it and trying to balance it out.
After learning that I had MMD we made the decision to test each embryo that we get for the gene mutation. We are still so blown away with how amazing science is these days! The test was created and the next step was approaching fast. We ordered copious amounts of injectable medications and waited for the doctor to give us the go ahead. The day finally came, and it just so happened to be the week that I was starting my new job at Southwest Healthcare. I knew that I would be under some stress, but figured I could keep it under control. As most of us know, stress is a beast that can be hard to manage.
Our first night of injections was stressful. I thought I had prepared us properly, but quickly I realized that I hadn’t. I worked late that night and rushed home to get started before Evan was off to bed. We pulled out our directions (notes I had taken) as well as the meds and I noticed that we did not have alcohol wipes. Ugh! How could I forget that?!? Of course, superman suggested that we use some vodka… he reassured me that all would be just fine. Haha. Injections were not as bad as I had expected, but they still weren’t fun. The days passed and I had appointments every other day to monitor progress. On day nine I left my appointment and went to work as usual. That afternoon I received a call from my Doctor and I knew that something was wrong. She asked if I had been under a lot of stress and explained that things weren’t going as well as she had hoped considering my age and my overall health. Sitting at my desk, it took everything in me not to break down and cry. I knew that I was stressed, and for good reasons, but I felt like I had failed. She told me that we should terminate the cycle to save some money on medications, and that we would start back up soon. I decided I needed to leave work and head home. I called Evan in tears and he told me to just come home and not to worry. We would figure it all out.
I walked through the door and busted into tears as he hugged me and rubbed my back. He told me that everything was fine, and that we would try again. I felt as though we had wasted time and money, and it was my fault for not managing my stress. We laid down in bed and I cried for a while, Evan just kept reminding me that it was okay, that we would get there. As the days passed I decided that I needed to make some changes to better prepare myself for the next round. I started taking walks with friends and also downloaded an app call HeadSpace! It is a meditation app that really explains how to meditate properly and how to manage emotions. I spent time each morning doing this, and it truly made a huge difference in my mood! I also set up an appointment with a foster-adopt company in our area just to learn about it and see what our options are. Even though I am certain our IVF journey will be successful, I wanted that reassurance. Plus, we will more than likely foster or adopt in the future regardless of our outcome with this process. Now that I had things in order, I felt as though I was ready and Dr. Chuan called us with next steps.
I was put on Testosterone cream, and that made me quite moody. I must admit, I flipped a guy off in a parking lot for honking at me!! Oh man… that is so unlike me!!! But, I continued to meditate and figured the doctor knew what was best. Next we were told to order more medications (holy cow, the amount they charge should be illegal!!). We prepared better this time and we were ready to jump back in.
Injections the second time around were much more manageable. I felt like round one prepared us and that we had it all under control this time. The days came and went and as I went to appointments I kept getting good news. This round was going much better and we were beyond excited. We had our final appointment on a Sunday in Del Mar (the main office), and they scheduled us for egg retrieval two days later. That night we had to use a trigger shot, but it had to be done at a particular time to be sure they could retrieve the eggs on Tuesday. Our alarm clock went off at 12:30a.m. and we were up and ready to trigger! Tuesday rolled around and we were so excited we could hardly stand it. We woke up early and headed to Del Mar for my procedure.
Once we arrived at the clinic I was taken back and instructed to get into a beautiful outfit. It consisted of a fun print gown, a robe, a hair net and non-slip socks! 🙂 Evan and I wore our lucky socks that we had made that said, “Retrieve, believe, conceive.” I left them on under my other socks just for extra good vibes. The nurse that was walking us through the process was so sweet. Her name was Cory and I truly feel like she is an angel. She was calm and optimistic, and kept us laughing. After the procedure I felt pretty good and we were told they got 13 eggs. We had honestly hoped for more, but the doctor told us she was very happy with that number. We weren’t there very long after, and Cory gave us both hugs and wished us luck. Our experience was wonderful.
Now the waiting game begins… We will get an update today on how many eggs fertilized and then for the next week or so we will get updates every other day. After that, they will send our precious embryos off for MMD testing! The time is going to creep by waiting for updates, but until then we will keep our fingers and toes crossed! ❤ ❤ ❤